Psychotherapy

If the problem is of lack of knowledge, your health care provider or a sex therapist can teach you (and your partner) about the sexual response cycle and the elements of sexual stimulation. Armed with this new knowledge, many couples can go forward on their own.

Psychotherapy can help a man and a woman identifies problems in his/her life that may be expressed as sexual problems.

For some men / women these problems are fairly clear, including past sexual or other abuse, rape, or traumatic sexual encounters.

For others, the problems may be less clear-cut, involving unresolved emotional issues or dissatisfaction with other areas of life.

In either case, the therapist usually focuses on resetting the attitudes toward sex.

The goal is to get rid of old attitudes that got in the way of enjoyable sex, establishing new attitudes that increase sexual responsiveness. If the problem relates to your relationship, couples counseling is recommended. (You don't have to be married to go for counselor.)

The couple's therapist is trained and experienced at helping couples recognize, understand, and solve their problems.

First, the counselor explores the relationship to find the trouble spots.

The counselor will recommend exercises and activities that will improve the couple's communication and trust.

If that can be accomplished, often the sexual problem can be solved more easily.

A counselor may take couples therapy one step further by focusing on the couple's physical relationship. After identifying the couple's attitudes about sex and the sexual problem, the counselor recommends specific exercises to re-focus the couple's attention and expectations. Specific objectives may include any of the following:

• Learning to relax and eliminate distractions
• Learning to communicate in a positive way what you would like
• Learning nonsexual touching techniques
• Increasing or enhancing sexual stimulation
• Minimizing pain during intercourse

The counselor often uses what are called "sensate focus" exercises to treat sexual problems. The exercises start with nonsexual touching and encourage both partners to express how they like to be touched. The goal is to help both partners understand how to recognize and communicate their preferences.